Separation and Divorce

I found it a little sad that this ended up being our last lesson considering it isn’t the happiest one. The first thing we talked about in class was trends related to divorce or separation. I think I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog post, but couples that cohabit are three times more likely to divorce once they marry. Another statistic is that couples that get married as teenagers are more likely to divorce. However, there is an exception in Utah, but I don’t exactly want to get into that haha. Additionally, divorce is more likely to occur when a couple with one or more of the spouses gets remarried and there are children from a previous marriage. It adds so much more to the situation. Along with these trends, there were some interesting statistic that we went through.  For example, 10% of people regret their divorce after two years and think it could have AND should have been avoided. 70% of men are remarried after two years and women are more likely to initiate divorce. Also, there was a study done in California where it was discovered that the group of people most likely to divorce was women married to women. Similarly, the group of people most likely to have infidelity is men married to other men. Another statistic I thought was interesting was that people who regularly attend church or worship are less likely to divorce. To me, this makes sense because a lot of religions have high standards for marriage and family life. Additionally, 24% of Americans will divorce. I thought the statistic was higher, but still, it’s so sad that 1/4 of the country will divorce. And lastly, if a marriage is a second marriage for someone, 62% will divorce. And as mentioned before, oftentimes it is because there are children from the previous marriage in the picture.

Something interesting my professor told me was that  divorce was a lot different. In order for a divorce to be granted, the 3 As had to be involved, or at least one of them. They include abuse, abandonment, or alcoholism. On one hand, I think this is so sad, but on the other hand, I think it would have made people take marriage more seriously. Sometimes I think people don’t take the commitment of marriage more seriously. And not that I think that rule is necessarily a good one, but I do suspect that people took marriage more seriously when they had to have legitimate reason and probable cause.

A few interesting things happen with most divorces. One, mothers almost always get custody. Two, mental health almost always tends to go down after divorce. Additionally, for a child that is 15 with divorced parents, the father is on average 400 miles away. My professor explained that this is often because the father needs a new job to pay for a new place (separate from the one he was living in) and child support, and this often requires a new job, which in turn often requires to move to find it. Typically, when remarriage is involved with children, the birth parents tends to do all of the discipline. Very frequently, this pushes the step parent to feel as though thy need to liked by the children and they can try to compensate. This creates a disconnect and as one parent gets stricter, the other tries to compensate by getting sweeter, or less strict. My teacher suggested that the birth parent should be the one that does all parenting, while the step parent should be more of a cool or supportive aunt or uncle.

Overall, obviously there are a lot of negatives that can come from divorce and separation, but like we have learned throughout all the semester, situations like these provide immense opportunity for growth and happiness.

Parenting

Sadly, we only had one class this week because of the 4th of July, but this topic deserved a lot more than an hour and a half of teaching. Parenting is something I feel like nobody really knows how to do perfectly and there isn’t a perfect formula for it either. Every child is different and every parent or set of parents is different and nothing will work constantly and consistently  for every family. However, we talked about a few methods and concepts that should be talked about and worked for that can strengthen any home and aid parents in teaching their children and helping them to the best of their ability.

First off, my professor defined the purpose of a parent to be “to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world in which we live.” But how do we do this? One of the first things we talked about was respect. I think there needs to be mutual respect between parents and children. However, respect cannot be forced and it does not simply mean compliance. There has to be cooperation, or in other words operating or working well with others. If respect and cooperation are both present in a parent child relationship, there will be more love and understanding.

We went through 5 needs that children have. Number one being contact and belonging. We specifically talked about physical contact and how vital it is to children.  If children don’t have their needs met, especially physical touch, they will take a mistaken approach to try to get what they need. This made me think about the psychology experiment done years ago with baby monkeys. They put baby monkeys in a cage with a stuffed animal and a bit of food. Without their mothers, the babies chose the comfort of a blanket or stuffed animal instead of food. That is how vital touch is, especially with young. We discussed how with parenting, it is vital to never withhold touch or take it away as a punishment. As for belonging, Secondly, we discussed the need for protection. We need to teach children to be assertive (not aggressive) by being able to ask for what they need and speaking up when they do not like something. Along with this, it is important to teach forgiveness and to not force anything upon kids. Third, there is a need for power. We have to give children a choice. Allow them to have a say in their day and routine. Again, if this need is not met, they will act out and try to attain it in other ways. We discusses that they also need to experience consequences; natural consequences, or the things that follows a choice without parental interference. If all children ever experience is parental consequences, they will not be able to effectively make choices as adults. If children experience natural consequences mainly, they will learn how to make choices in an effective way that will carry through to their adult life. Obviously there are some situations in which parent’s should step in and intervene. For example, if its too dangerous or if the consequence is too far off to be a teaching experience. My professor shared an experience of some parents that allowed their 13 year old son to drop out of school. They believed he would experience the consequences eventually of not being able to find a job or be successful. My professor said “you’re going to let a 13 year old make a decision that won’t affect them until they’re 30?” Fourth, there is a need for challenges. Kids thrive off of a little challenge and it is good for them to be pushed a little above their capabilities. It allows them to reach higher and harder. Lastly, there is a need for breaks. Children need time off and space from their daily activities. They need to be allowed breaks from parts of their day. Obviously, kids need naps, which is an obvious example. But also children don’t have very long attentions spans and allowing breaks can help them focus more on what they’re doing and to handle their routines better. Overall, children have needs and if they are not met, they will try to act out in other ways to meet their needs. Parents need to pay attention to the individual needs and actions of their children and adapt to help teach and prepare their children for life.

Finances

This week we talked about something I dread talking about but I know I need to learn and talk about: money. Specifically in a marriage setting, finances scare me. I think money can be the source of a lot of problems. There are a lot of marital issues that can come up because of money and finances. One example of this is that because the husband often works and makes the majority of the money, often times there is the idea that he is the one that is in charge. Or in a two income family, one person might think “I made this money, it is mine”. But in a strong marriage, life is built together and shared. We talked about a book written by Marvin J. Ashton titled “One for the Money”. It is specifically geared towards LDS families and provides a lot of helpful information, even for those who are not of the LDS faith. A couple things it mentions are paying tithing, tracking spending together, and budgeting together. I think most church members have a knowledge of the blessings and benefits of paying tithing and have found that it brings more blessings than it does hardships. Secondly, we discussed tracking spending together. My professor said it helps a marriage in general to discuss things together and make decisions as a couple. He said “you’re not managing money, you’re managing yourselves”. I love this because I think if you track spending together, you will see more clearly where the money is going and be able to exercise self control. I also think it can prevent a lot of problems if one or both people are frustrated feeling like money is disappearing faster than it is coming in. That way, both people can see where the money is being spent and are able to see more clearly where changes need to be made. Lastly, making a budget together can also be largely effective. This provides a way to make changes and decisions together. My professor talked about how important it is to keep not only your wants and desires in mind. He said “in marriage, you should care at least as much about your partner’s wants and needs as you do about your own”. I love this! I think if both people will do this, there will be more peace and success when it comes to finances.

One thing I loved that my professor talked about was that budgeting or being tight on money can encourage a couple to exercise creativity. He shared about a time in the beginning of his marriage when he and his wife and kids were extremely tight on money. He said by the time they paid rent and all the bills, they had $1.50 for date night. He said they found a way to get cheap shakes and go on a walk together every Monday night. He also said they came up with creative, fun meals that were cheap and fun to make and eat together. He talked about how many couples often talk about the beginning stages of marriage when they were poor with a gleam in their eyes. He said that times like that make couples spend time together and get creative with ways to have fun.

The last thing we talked about that I loved was that we need to teach our children early to work hard. My professor said that play brings competition, but working together brings a sense of teamwork and togetherness. Additionally, when you do something hard with someone, you bond with them. It also provides opportunity to talk and communicate. I remember times working with my dad on a task simply because I knew it meant I got his time and attention and that we could talk. I loved that. Even when I came home from college a few weeks ago, I woke up and did yardwork with my mom for a bit because I knew it meant I got time to sit and talk with her in the yard without distractions. I think that children knowing that value of work will greatly benefit not only the family, but also the individual.

 

 

Communication and Problem Solving

We’ve learned a lot in this class so far, but so far I think the lessons this week were the glue. With every other issue we have discussed, communication and problem solving skills would be extremely beneficial in dealing with them. First off, we discussed that communication is defined as success connecting thoughts/ideas using verbal and nonverbal cues to share meaning between two or more people. My professor shared a cute story from his childhood where both him and a neighborhood friend got walkie talkies for Christmas. He said they stood at opposite ends of the street and tried using them. He said they were both yelling and kept getting closer and closer to each other until they realized they were not on the same channel and would never be able to communicate if they did not share a common connection or signal. He compared this story to the origin of the word communication, which is the word sharing.  I thought about this in my own life. When I feel like I’m misunderstanding or being misunderstood, I need to step back and ask myself “am I on the same channel as the other person?” I think it is so easy to misunderstand someone or be misunderstood. Every person has had different experiences and learning opportunities and we all communicate a little differently. I also think that nonverbal cues and communication is sooo vital to understand and look for.  In class we talked about how words account for 14% of the received message, tone is 35%, while non-verbal cues are 51%. That’s insane! The majority of the information people receive from us comes from our body language and non-verbal communication. That just shows me that I need to be incredible careful with my body language. I learned a vital example of this recently. Growing up, my dad was not always the best at showing emotion. When he was upset about something or frustrated, he would be silent. I had a conversation with my boyfriend recently about this because I have often thought he was mad at me when he wasn’t at all. He asked why I thought he was mad and I explained that when he goes silent I am used to that meaning anger or frustration. However, he explained that he just goes silent when he’s thinking or analyzing something. This experience made me realize that the communication we are raised with and are used to greatly affect how we receive communication as we grow and age.

We also talked about the definition of the word conflict. We defined it as serious disagreement or argument that last for a longer time, a clash of opposing wishes or needs. My professor clarified that a conflict can be an argument but that is not always the case. We talked about advice from the LDS prophets and apostles that we should have regular family council. We talked about the importance of discussing concerns or issues within the family so that they are addressed and not buried or ignored. However, we talked about how important it also is to express love and appreciation for those members of our family. When the apostles and prophet meet together every Thursday, they model this. They begin with expressing words of affirmation and love for each other. I love this because I have experience it. Last semester, my roommates and I decided to do weekly roommate council in an attempt to make our apartment an extension of our homes that we had all left to come to school. We quickly learned that we needed to express love for each other and talk about the things that were going well, and not just address conflicts or issues. I think that when we express love and appreciation for the members of our family, we have the spirit with us, which drives out contention and allows us to talk more openly about conflict more smoothly. I have also realized the difference it has made this semester since we have not had roommate council in my current apartment. There are a lot more passive aggressive actions and words because we don’t talk about things or have an opportunity to communicate openly. Overall, I think it is vital to learn first how we communicate, how others communicate, and then to set aside and provide time to effectively communicate and converse in the home and in family settings to ensure a feeling of love and peace can be felt in our homes.

Crisis, Stress, And Coping

I found this week’s classes and discussion extremely beneficial. We discussed stress, stressors, crisis, coping, resources to aid in coping, etc. A lot of this information was helpful even when looking at my own life, separate from the family structure. Everyone undergoes stress and crisis and one of the most important concepts I learned this week is that not only is it normal to undergo stress and crisis, but it is necessary and vital! My professor used the example of going camping or hiking and you see a bear. If we did not have stress indicators or crisis gauges, we would not be able to react in accordance or learn from situations. He explained that stress is essential to our growth and learning and without it, we would not be able to progress. He event went as far to say that it would be dangerous to our progression and learning if we had a lack of stress in our lives. Stress can be a positive thing! However, we have to learn how to deal with it and accommodate for it in our lives.

We were asked in class to brainstorm a list of resources for coping with stress. Here are a few: church, support groups or systems, recreational activities, extended family, service, professionals (counseling), reserves (such as food storage or saved money), education, animals, experiences (those of others or past experiences of your own). We discussed at length many of these resources and how they can be used. One example I thought was very interesting that my professor shared was when the Teton Dam broke in Rexburg a number of years ago. My professor told us that there was a member of the Red Cross on campus being interviewed about the crisis and she was asked what the organization had done for the people in the community to help with the situation. She explained that virtually nothing they did was beneficial and they hadn’t done much for the people. She said the people had been prepared with at least a year of food storage and were prepared for a crisis. I never thought about how preparation or reserves could help with future crisis or  coping with stress from an event such as this. I thought it was interesting to see how these resources could be applied.

Another interesting fact that my professor shared about crisis and coping was that he said “the way we define and think about a problem greatly affects how something influences us.” He explained this by talking about communities in Denmark vs. Guatemala.  He compared a community in Denmark that has one of the highest living standards in the world to a part of Guatemala with a very poor standard of living. However, those in Guatemala were significantly happier than those in Denmark. In fact, there were a high number of suicides in Denmark as well. We discussed how many people in third world countries are often so much happier because they view the world so differently based on the resources and environment they have.

Lastly, we talked more specifically about crisis and coping. We defined crisis as “a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger; the turning point when an important change takes place, or a time when a difficult or important decision must be made. One thing that was very interesting that my professor pointed out was that the Chinese symbol for crisis consists of several symbols, two of them being danger and opportunity. He taught that this shows us that although times of crisis and trial can be extremely difficult and even dangerous at times, it provides great occasion for opportunity. We talked about how often times, crisis brings families together and strengthens relationships. My professor mentioned that in these difficult times, there is a choice to be made about whether we want to turn inward or outward for support and coping. He made the claim that those who turn inward to their families and loved ones will be taking advantage of the great opportunity to become closer to and strengthen your support group and often fortify family roles.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

This week we covered the most taboo topic of all taboo topics: sex. It was so nice to be able to talk openly in a class setting about marital intimacy and sex in family life. We were able to discuss different parts and aspects to intimacy and it was something I think should be discussed more.

First off, we talked about the differences between men and women regarding intimacy. One important thing to recognize is that sexual responses are more predictable for men than they are for women. Females may take longer for arousal and they can orgasm many times. Men on the other hand can only climax once and are often aroused more easily. Another large difference is the intentions for sex. Men often have sex to feel safe and close to their spouse, whereas women have to feel safe and close to their spouse to feel okay to have sex. Another interesting thing we talked about was the hormones that are released during sex. The first one is serotonin which makes a person feel happy, relaxed, and induce a feeling of well-being. Dopamine, as my teacher said is the “whoo-hoo!” hormone. And then, there is oxytocin which is a hormone that creates a bonding feeling. In women, all three hormones are produced and released during sex. In men however, dopamine and serotonin are released, but oxytocin, the bonding hormone is not. I think it is so important to look at some of these differences and understand that we have them. We discussed in class how so many misunderstandings and problems can come from intimacy. However, if we understand the differences that we have, it will be more easy for us to compromise and work on making adjustments to accommodate both spouses.  It was easy for us to come up with potential problems and issues that could come up, but my teacher pointed out that there are also so many opportunities for us to show love and understanding to our spouse. For example, there is a great opportunity for oneness. Both partners can learn humility and vulnerability, and can also learn to show compassion to one another. Additionally, it provides an opportunity to overcome the natural man.

One thing my professor talked about was that many couples come in is that they don’t know what their spouse likes! My professor said that a lot of couples don’t feel comfortable talking about what they like or don’t like. He said there is a technique that he uses with couples in this situation. He has one of them give the other a back rub and describe what feels good and what doesn’t and allow their spouse to respond with their hands. Although this technique is simple, it teaches couples to communicate more fully and allow their partner to learn to listen and respond. He talked about how this can take a long time to master and get the hang of in a marriage. One statistic I found interesting was that couples in their 40s and 50s reported the highest level of sexual satisfaction in their marriages. I think that this statistic points out that it takes time to form the correct relationship ad figure out what works best for both people in the relationship. I think the most important thing I learned is that men and women have differences, and that is okay! But more importantly, we have to be aware and conscious of these differences and work to communicate and accommodate both people in the relationship to have  effective marital intimacy.

Transition into Early Marriage

Last week was a good intro for this week’s discussions. We talked about engagements, weddings and transitions in early marriage. My professor first started by sharing a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley that said “There is no reason to steadily date someone until you are in a place to marry someone”. I love this because my professor also talked about how the more times we attach ourselves to someone the harder it is to stay attached to someone. I think that more people need to be ready before they get involved. One statistic on this topic was that the average college student only has one date a year with four hookups a year. This also ruins your attachment and does not allow for the levels of trust and communications to be built that are necessary for a lasting relationship. We talked about how courtship and dating is practice for marriage and allows us to gain skills we need in order to live and be with someone eternally. For example, this could include cooperation, decision making, problem solving skills, commitment, communication, and assessment without Judgement. We can learn these skills on dates and by spending time with different people. I went on a fair amount of dates in high school and I feel like I learned a lot about the kinds of guys I enjoyed spending time with and the qualities I liked in others. I also learned a lot about myself and how I process different emotions and the way I like being treated. Everyone has preferences and different opinions and I think going on lots of dates and being smart about who and how you date can prepare you for marriage.

Speaking of marriage, let’s talk about engagements. I think this is something that is not anticipated or emphasized enough. The engagement period is a time for a couple to obviously plan their wedding, but also to begin really becoming one. But the proposal itself is important too! One thing I thought was interesting was that my teacher talked about how in today’s society guys always want to know if the girls is fully committed and will say yes before they propose. He point blankly said that proposals are insincere nowadays. My professor said “a sincere proposal is one where a man has fully committed himself to you before you have to him”. I thought that was really profound. He said that he proposed to his wife without fully discussing every detail and making sure she would say yes. With proposals today, most people are so wrapped up in making it look perfect and they stress so much about the photographer and making sure it looks good for pictures. It’s more of an event on facebook than it is an actual life event. However, I do see the pros of talking about marriage and both committing beforehand, but I totally get my professor’s point. Also…I’m just saying I wouldn’t be mad if someone took pictures of my engagements. Just saying 😉 On another note, my professor told us that the average wedding is $28,000! Like what??? I don’t think I will ever see that much money in my life. Hahaha. But really how does one afford that??? My professor warned against throwing tons of money at a wedding, and more specifically allowing the parents to throw a ton of money into the wedding. He said that often times it separates the couple and drags the individual man and woman back as a dependent under their parents. There are so many adjustments and decisions the couple needs to make that having parents control and do everything can be negative. Along with this, we also talked about some of the many adjustments in marriage. We made a very long list so here’s some of them: roles and responsibilities, chores, communication, lifestyle, closet space, values, finances, sleeping in the same bed, intimacy, social life, laundry, holidays and traditions, etc. There are so many! And I’m sure after I get married I will be able to tack on many more to that list. I am so grateful to be taking this class because some of these things I never really thought about. I think it is important to look into some of these things and at least think about them because marriage is a huge adjustment! I wouldn’t actually know from experience but it sure seems like a hugeeee change. Overall, I’ve learned that you have to really be smart about dating, relationships, and preparing for marriage to have a successful one!

Dating and Preparation for Marriage

I feel like I always say this, but this weeks classes were SO interesting. We talked about dating patterns, relationships, and preparation for marriage. One of the first things we talked about was the Greek terms for love. There are four main words in the Greek language for love, and they all mean something slightly different. First, is the word storge, meaning more of a parental love. Secondly, is philia which represents more of a brotherly or friendly love. Additionally, there is eros. This is a term used for sexual or passionate love. This is the romantic love you usually thing of when you think of dating relationships. Lastly, is agape, meaning more of a charity, service-oriented love. It is more of a love for fellow man. My professor asked what kind of love we would want if we could only have one in a marriage. It was interesting to hear the different answers that people gave after a class discussion. However, I think the point was to demonstrate that we need to have more than just one thing in common or one type of love with the person we marry or even just the people we engage in relationships with. My professor made a good point that we should have similar values with the person we marry, but our interests don’t need to be the same. However, the more common interests there are, the easier it will be to blend the two lives together. My professor pointed out that dating habits carry into a marriage. He encouraged us when dating to find joy and fun in doing the simple things in life like cleaning, grocery shopping, dishes, etc. If you can find happiness in fun in simplicity with the person you date, you will be able to enjoy marriage with this person more fully. Marriage is not all about elaborate dates and dressing up all the time. It’s about doing everyday life with another person and blending your lives together. Additionally, my professor made a really good point about the term “friend zone” in dating terms. He said “how foolish it is to separate friends and lovers…shouldn’t the person you marry be both?”. I loved this! I think about how much I love my best friend and how much I love spending time with her and I hope the person I marry exceeds that!

Another really cool concept we talked about this week was the RAM theory. It stands for relationship attachment model. The model lists five words in a specific order: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch.

The model helps explain that you cannot progress in one section more than the one before to have a healthy relationship. For example, you cannot trust someone more than you know them and you cannot rely on someone more than you trust them. I loved this model. I think it helps explain a lot. I think the problem with a lot of dating relationships with people of my age is that they skip to the touch aspect so much faster than anything else, bypassing important aspects of dating and relationships. You have to develop a strong relationship in order for it to succeed and you cannot leave anything out. For example, my professor mentioned that there was a study done in California of couple that cohabit, meaning that they lived together for a period of time before marrying (if they married at all). The statistics showed that these couples cohabiting were three times as more likely to divorce if they got married than couple who did not live together before marriage. He said this could largely be because the level of commitment was not in the right order. The RAM model was largely out of order. Additionally, my teacher referenced a study that was done on married couple looking at incompatibilities. They looked at married couples well on their way to divorce and found that there were ten major incompatibilities between the spouses. However, they looked at couples with high levels of marital satisfaction and also found that there were the same about of incompatibilities between the spouses. The difference was how the couples handled the differences between the two of them. As my teacher put it, “marriage is like putting all your cards on the table and creating the best hand with what you’ve got.”

Gender and Family Life

This week was very interesting to say the least. We covered a lot of controversial topics regarding gender and the family. It was definitely interesting to see different peoples’ opinions come together in a class discussion on such diverse topics. Everyone was raised differently and has had their views and opinions shaped in various ways and that was something that I realized as people shared their opinions.

We started off the class by discussing a quote my professor wrote on the board by G. Steinem. It said “We badly need to raise our boys more like girls”. He asked us what we thought of the quote and what could potentially be wrong with it. We came to the conclusion that a lot of assumptions are being made through this quote. We are somehow assuming that the way we are raising our girls is somehow better, that we are raising our children differently based on gender, and that both genders need to be raised the same (and more specifically in the manner we treat and teach our girls). This led into a discussion where we talked about differences in males and females that are maybe not so surface level qualities.  For example, we discussed that girls are much better with fine motor skills while boys are more skilled in gross motor tasks. This is apparent at young ages when observing the types of play that children engage in. We discussed how men have more spatial orientation while women view things more relationally. This can be seen in the stereotype that women are terrible at navigating with directions. But is that just a stereotype? Additionally, one fact I found very interesting was that women routinely have up to five times more connective tissue between their verbal and emotional centers of the brain. Men are generally not as emotional as women and this statistic offers a  more clear explanation for this other than hormones ( the typical reason people assume for the emotion level women possess). Furthermore, men are myopic, meaning their focus generally only allows them to focus on one thing at a time (often a frustration women have about men). I found some of these characteristics and facts incredibly interesting and they actually explained a lot. In my opinion, you cannot raise boys and girls the same because we simply are not the same. Someone in my class made a really good point about this. They said “by nature we are inherently equal but we are opposites also”. I thought this was profound because it is a hot topic in todays society about whether or not men and women are equal. I think that we are equal in worth but it is important to understand that we do have different qualities, and ones that are often on complete ends of the spectrum. We have to understand that men and women are equal but different.

Additionally, we talked in depth this past week about gender attraction. One thing I did not understand before this week was the difference between same sex attraction, homosexuality, and being gay. I think people get these terms mixed up too often. My professor defined same sex attraction as the desire to be physically close to the same gender. Being homosexual means sexualizing the same sex. This could be through physical contact, looking at sexual pictures, etc. Being gay is characterizing your identity by this. I think this is vital to realize when discussing these topics. I think it is important to understand that there are also a lot of biological variables and factors that contribute to gender attraction and identity. I think that in class we barely scratched the surface of these topics but I do feel slightly more educated. We studied theories that attempt to explain these topics, but I also was reminded that theories ATTEMPT to explain something. I think the truth is that we don’t know why some of these gender issues exist but we can do our part to be educated, kind, and open to opinions and ideas to explain and support those that struggle with these issues.

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

This week was incredibly interesting because we talked more about family dynamics but we focused more on social class and cultural diversity and the effect these aspects have on family dynamics. At the beginning of the week, we were assigned some videos to watch to prepare for class. One of them focused on a mother and her kids in a very run down area in the south. They basically lived in a trailer or shed like home that appeared to be in a junk yard. The video focused more on one of her boys who seemed to feel that he was above their living circumstances. It was interesting how he talked down to his mother and acted almost as though he was above what his lifestyle was. He said he was ashamed to bring friends home or have people knowing where he was living. I thought this was super interesting considering he didn’t seem to do much to support or enhance his situation either. The mother, ‘tammy, seemed to be pretty proud of her situation. When I first started watching the video, I couldn’t help but think how absolutely terrible their situation looked. The yard was a mess, they didn’t have a car, their house was barely a house and it looked like a pig sty. However, Tammy mentioned how proud she thought her dad would be of her because she was doing so much better than what he did for he when she was growing up. It reminded me how different our view are based on how we grew up.  I automatically assumed that they hated their situation, just because I honestly would. But I grew up different. I am used to a nicer house, spare money, multiple cars, a clean yard, a furnace, etc. However, I realized that some people aren’t, and they’re okay with that! The social class and cultural diversity we grow up in has a huge effect on how we view things.

Along with this, we talked about other factors that have to be included when discussing family dynamics. For example, we talked about how Tammy chose to work instead of using welfare to live off of. Additionally, we discusses the absence vs. the presence of a father figure in the family. My professor explained that having a father figure absence is both a higher and lower class issue, but it has similar effects on the family dynamic. One thing that my professor explained that I thought was very interesting was that the single largest predictors of drug abuse was no father in the home. The second was a father that abuses drugs. We also discussed resources and how they affect families. This may seem obvious, but every family has different resources, which in turn affects their family dynamics. For example, resources could include something simple, like a car. Which in Tammy’s case was not something she had readily available. It could also be something larger like an education or degree. This resource opens up a lot of other resources as well. Additionally, another main resource that a lot of immigrant family’s lack is language. If there is a language barrier, it can also limit other resources.

As I looked into Tammy’s situation and participated in this week’s discussion, I realized how diverse every single family’s situation is. There are so many variations of key components and aspects that can play into a family dynamic. I think that every single culture is valid and important to recognize because they all have an effect on one another. When two people are married, they blend two different family dynamics and create their own and I think it is important to recognize this. All cultures benefit from and affect on another. Additionally, one important thing I learned this week is that it is vital to remember that our opinions and views are largely based off of the socioeconomic class we were raised in and we have to keep that in mind specifically when communicating with others.