Parenting

Sadly, we only had one class this week because of the 4th of July, but this topic deserved a lot more than an hour and a half of teaching. Parenting is something I feel like nobody really knows how to do perfectly and there isn’t a perfect formula for it either. Every child is different and every parent or set of parents is different and nothing will work constantly and consistently  for every family. However, we talked about a few methods and concepts that should be talked about and worked for that can strengthen any home and aid parents in teaching their children and helping them to the best of their ability.

First off, my professor defined the purpose of a parent to be “to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world in which we live.” But how do we do this? One of the first things we talked about was respect. I think there needs to be mutual respect between parents and children. However, respect cannot be forced and it does not simply mean compliance. There has to be cooperation, or in other words operating or working well with others. If respect and cooperation are both present in a parent child relationship, there will be more love and understanding.

We went through 5 needs that children have. Number one being contact and belonging. We specifically talked about physical contact and how vital it is to children.  If children don’t have their needs met, especially physical touch, they will take a mistaken approach to try to get what they need. This made me think about the psychology experiment done years ago with baby monkeys. They put baby monkeys in a cage with a stuffed animal and a bit of food. Without their mothers, the babies chose the comfort of a blanket or stuffed animal instead of food. That is how vital touch is, especially with young. We discussed how with parenting, it is vital to never withhold touch or take it away as a punishment. As for belonging, Secondly, we discussed the need for protection. We need to teach children to be assertive (not aggressive) by being able to ask for what they need and speaking up when they do not like something. Along with this, it is important to teach forgiveness and to not force anything upon kids. Third, there is a need for power. We have to give children a choice. Allow them to have a say in their day and routine. Again, if this need is not met, they will act out and try to attain it in other ways. We discusses that they also need to experience consequences; natural consequences, or the things that follows a choice without parental interference. If all children ever experience is parental consequences, they will not be able to effectively make choices as adults. If children experience natural consequences mainly, they will learn how to make choices in an effective way that will carry through to their adult life. Obviously there are some situations in which parent’s should step in and intervene. For example, if its too dangerous or if the consequence is too far off to be a teaching experience. My professor shared an experience of some parents that allowed their 13 year old son to drop out of school. They believed he would experience the consequences eventually of not being able to find a job or be successful. My professor said “you’re going to let a 13 year old make a decision that won’t affect them until they’re 30?” Fourth, there is a need for challenges. Kids thrive off of a little challenge and it is good for them to be pushed a little above their capabilities. It allows them to reach higher and harder. Lastly, there is a need for breaks. Children need time off and space from their daily activities. They need to be allowed breaks from parts of their day. Obviously, kids need naps, which is an obvious example. But also children don’t have very long attentions spans and allowing breaks can help them focus more on what they’re doing and to handle their routines better. Overall, children have needs and if they are not met, they will try to act out in other ways to meet their needs. Parents need to pay attention to the individual needs and actions of their children and adapt to help teach and prepare their children for life.